Adrift in a sea of loneliness

Well, the holidays are over and I am once again left feeling vapid. Life is so empty when everyone leaves after the holidays and this year it has been the worst. I hung out with family 5 days straight and slept over w/my sister 3 of those nights and then I came home that Tuesday morning and felt empty. Lost, alone, gone. All of the love that I had been surrounded by was gone. None remained. Normally I don't get that upset after the holidays but this year was different. Why you ask? Probably because my family is changing. My sister is going to college soon, she's touring schools and I can't be there to help her decide, my cousins are growing up, one is about to start school (kindergarten) and my uncles are so distant from not only each other but from me...because even though I live in the same state as 90% of my family (both sides), I am alone 90% of the time. In fact, of that 90%, 85% probably live within a couple hour drive. Sad, really. To know that you are so close to all of this love you wish you could constantly be a part of and yet be so alone you cuddle with a pillow at night just to feel comfort of some kind. That's another thing that is different about this year. I don't get to come home and see Dave after the holidays. I came home to an empty house and a hungry Betta fish named Edgar. My suggestion to you, if you want to feel like you mean nothing is to live alone. It is so hard to stay motivated and positive living on your own. I continue to try but it just gets harder. Sorry for being a downer, just typing whatever comes to my mind as fast as I can. I try to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of things and all I can think about is how much I can't wait to get back to the extremely stressful job that I have and 60% of the time don't enjoy because I am so stressed....just so I don't have to be alone for 24 hours. I want to go workout just so I can be around other people. I don't have any encounters with them but it still feels good to be around people. It makes you feel normal. Anyways, I'm going to leave it at that. I'm hoping to keep up with my blogging throughout at least the next 5 months since I feel like it helps me work through things. If you don't want to read, that's fine. I'll keep writing, it makes no difference to me.