Resistance is futile...

Well...I'm now left playing the waiting game. I have to wait 2 weeks from now until I get to see Dave again, and then for Easter I'm going home to Denver...I'm excited to see my sister being a busy little worker bee at Little Cesar's... I'm getting so antsy, I just want the waiting to be over. I'm kinda scared of it to end too though because then what do I have to look forward to after May? :-p I've got a great life and I'm excited for Dave to be a major part of it again but once he's here, I'll have no countdown to stare at every day, no days to cross off on the 3+ calendars I have variously around where I am in a day. On the bright side though, I won't have to be upset when I come home because it won't be empty. I won't have to express my love through the phone or the webcam. My life will be fulfilled again and I will be happy. I can't wait for Dave to experience Milwaukee summer...he's going to absolutely love it. Summerfest, all the fests,the lake,swimming in the quarry, camping, the nights with music, the nights with movies, hanging out with friends, walks along the lake, enjoying warm nights together outside, sipping on a little sunshine (lol)...he's going to absolutely love it. Everything about Dave shouts "I need to experience Milwaukee in the summer!" Everything I did last summer I couldn't help but think about how much Dave would absolutely love what I was doing at the time. Of course, I do that a lot with pretty much everything...haha, but summer in Milwaukee is truly something Dave will love. I hope that he can experience it at least once. I know he's applying for jobs in Denver (because I told him it was ok) but now I'm kind of second guessing that because I don't want him to miss out on Milwaukee. I know Denver will be just as fun, it's still a city...and at least in Denver people like the winter...unlike in Wisconsin...but I know it will be different. I should really not be worried about things being different...I did move from Durango to Milwaukee and completely change everything around in my life within a 1 month period, but hey...change isn't always easy.
Well, that's enough for now. The sirens outside of my extremely hot apartment are reminding me that I've got to head to work. Ta-ta for now!

Adrift in a sea of loneliness

Well, the holidays are over and I am once again left feeling vapid. Life is so empty when everyone leaves after the holidays and this year it has been the worst. I hung out with family 5 days straight and slept over w/my sister 3 of those nights and then I came home that Tuesday morning and felt empty. Lost, alone, gone. All of the love that I had been surrounded by was gone. None remained. Normally I don't get that upset after the holidays but this year was different. Why you ask? Probably because my family is changing. My sister is going to college soon, she's touring schools and I can't be there to help her decide, my cousins are growing up, one is about to start school (kindergarten) and my uncles are so distant from not only each other but from me...because even though I live in the same state as 90% of my family (both sides), I am alone 90% of the time. In fact, of that 90%, 85% probably live within a couple hour drive. Sad, really. To know that you are so close to all of this love you wish you could constantly be a part of and yet be so alone you cuddle with a pillow at night just to feel comfort of some kind. That's another thing that is different about this year. I don't get to come home and see Dave after the holidays. I came home to an empty house and a hungry Betta fish named Edgar. My suggestion to you, if you want to feel like you mean nothing is to live alone. It is so hard to stay motivated and positive living on your own. I continue to try but it just gets harder. Sorry for being a downer, just typing whatever comes to my mind as fast as I can. I try to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of things and all I can think about is how much I can't wait to get back to the extremely stressful job that I have and 60% of the time don't enjoy because I am so stressed....just so I don't have to be alone for 24 hours. I want to go workout just so I can be around other people. I don't have any encounters with them but it still feels good to be around people. It makes you feel normal. Anyways, I'm going to leave it at that. I'm hoping to keep up with my blogging throughout at least the next 5 months since I feel like it helps me work through things. If you don't want to read, that's fine. I'll keep writing, it makes no difference to me.